I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
