Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
