I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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