My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
