i wish my penis had a tongue
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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