awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
