That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
