one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
