this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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