I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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