Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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