Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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