I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
