My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
