Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Screwed.edu
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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