Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
