Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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