in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
