i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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