I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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