I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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