youre lurking in front of me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
