You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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