i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
