I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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