I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
