she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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