I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
