we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
