Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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