i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
