If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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