And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
