Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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