so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
