found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
