You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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