I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think people are normalizing furries
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
