Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
