im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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