this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
