I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize