I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
