eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
