Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
