she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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