yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
