evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
