i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
