Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
