i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
