i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
