how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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