I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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