there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
