I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's never too late to be topless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
