god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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