Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had sex on a dog bed..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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