i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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