I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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