My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
