awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
