there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
