its not stalking. its research.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
